Laying here letting my life pass away before me, wasting time, or am I? I use to rush at life, be out and about filling every second. Now quiet, at home, I use my chronic neurological condition, that is I think I use it to serve as an excuse to sit quietly while I read many a book from the library, and watch all those many movies on Netflix that through the years I missed while raising a family, watching many a foreign film in absolute comfort on a big soft bed with little desire to go out. Never thought I would lose my desire to be out and about in the world, but there you have it, I have… I’ve wondered if it’s depression speaking or raising it’s emotional head or is it racing through the neurons in my body, but don’t think so. Is it laziness or is it just being content for the first time to be home, to be quiet? Only time will tell. Don’t think this new version of me will be forever, but who knows, I had a good 30-40 years of racing about filling time with experience outside of myself and home. I had a good 25-30 years of being a mom at the same time that I was racing about even if my children weren’t biologically mine, so totally adopted and loved, the ones I raised with full heart and soul. Now maybe it’s time to have 20-30 years quiet and reflecting, absorbing verses doing.
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